Letters To No One

“Pwede ba kitang i-hug?”

Saturday.

I arrived at home from school around 7:30 pm. Few minutes after, my sister came. She told me that Dale borrowed a mobile Wi-Fi from our church mate so that she could finish doing her assignments, projects and everything. Then, I decided to come to their house and spent the night there. Not just because I would afford to have an internet connection but also I wanted to see her, I miss her though. I just remember what my sister told me, “Matutuwa si Dale pag dun ka natulog.”

Before I could step into their house, I saw her coming from somewhere. “Bakit?” – the first thing she told me when she saw me. “Nakakaamoy ako ng wi-fi. Haha.” I replied. Then she frowned. I felt that she got irritated. She grimaced. Making faces. She’s telling something. She doesn’t want me to stay there. I was dumbfounded. But then, I tried my best not to look like I wasn’t expecting it. I look straight, then I told her, “Hindi naman ako manggugulo.” I felt my eyes starts to water. I faced my back to her before tears filled my eyes. Part of me wanted to just flee away and went home. But part of me wanted to stay. I don’t want my night to ruin. Thinking that this night might not work but it doesn’t matter as long as she won’t know that somehow I felt sad.

I was close to go upstairs when she told me to stop. “Dito ka muna.”,she said. So, I stopped. I faced her. Then she started crying. I tried my very best not to cry too. I asked her why. She told me she didn’t know. She’s sad. Maybe because she’s sort of stressed regarding school matters. “Sorry. Sorry, kasi baka feeling mo ayaw kita dito. Sorry naging ganun reaksyon ko. Kasi, bakit ngayon pa? Minsan nga lang kita makasama tapos hindi ko pa ma-eenjoy kasi madami akong gagawin.” Then, I cried. I couldn’t speak. Minutes ago, I told myself that I don’t want to tell her that I got disappointed by her reaction coz I don’t want her to feel sad and feel guilty about it. But I told her anyway. “Sabi pa naman ni Gladys matutuwa ka daw nandito ako tapos, ganun.” Telling those words to her was way too hard coz i am crying and I’m trying to compose myself. We just stared with each other and cried. It was magical. Lol.Crying at the end of the stairs.

“Tara, akyat na tayo.” I told her.

“Pwede ba kitang i-hug?”

 

 

 

Then I hug her tight.